I think once you say you are choosing “child-free”, people want the why, or how do you know. The thing is, that is really hard for me to answer because there are a million and one reasons. Simple answer is having children is not something that I feel is needed in my life. I never grew-up thinking I would be a mom and I don’t feel that “urge” people describe. I’ve thought about it a lot and it’s not something I feel like I’m going to feel I’ve “missed out” on. It’s something P and I discussed long before marriage, and something we were and are on the same page about.
Having a kid is a life changing experience, it is something you better be sure of and it is something you better embrace 110%. While I think you can certainly raise a child making only minor changes to your life…I also feel like if you are taking that step with that as the plan then you are selfish. Your life should not be the same as it was before having a child, nor should you try to make it that way.
For me it’s the other parts of life that I would feel I’m missing out on, they have the stronger pull. I never want to feel like a child is holding me back from experiencing life to the fullest, because it is not fair to the child.
I would rather:
Explore the earth than set down roots
Learn than teach
Create than procreate
Have dinners for two than Mother’s Days
Travel on a whim than read bedtime stories
Can you do these things if you have kids? Absolutely, and you can do them without neglecting your children…that is not what I’m saying. To me, writing out the reasoning point by point feels false and arguable, like defending a standpoint and for me I don’t need to defend anything. It’s complex and simple, it’s selfish and selfless, it’s a belief and a choice.
Both having a child or not having a child is a leap of faith, it’s not a debate.