prespective Archives - Food, Booze, & Baggage

I think once you say you are choosing “child-free”, people want the why, or how do you know. The thing is, that is really hard for me to answer because there are a million and one reasons. Simple answer is having children is not something that I feel is needed in my life. I never grew-up thinking I would be a mom and I don’t feel that “urge” people describe. I’ve thought about it a lot and it’s not something I feel like I’m going to feel I’ve “missed out” on. It’s something P and I discussed long before marriage, and something we were and are on the same page about.

Having a kid is a life changing experience, it is something you better be sure of and it is something you better embrace 110%. While I think you can certainly raise a child making only minor changes to your life…I also feel like if you are taking that step with that as the plan then you are selfish. Your life should not be the same as it was before having a child, nor should you try to make it that way.

For me it’s the other parts of life that I would feel I’m missing out on, they have the stronger pull. I never want to feel like a child is holding me back from experiencing life to the fullest, because it is not fair to the child.

I would rather:

Explore the earth than set down roots
Learn than teach
Create than procreate
Have dinners for two than Mother’s Days
Travel on a whim than read bedtime stories

Can you do these things if you have kids? Absolutely, and you can do them without neglecting your children…that is not what I’m saying. To me, writing out the reasoning point by point feels false and arguable, like defending a standpoint and for me I don’t need to defend anything. It’s complex and simple, it’s selfish and selfless, it’s a belief and a choice.

Both having a child or not having a child is a leap of faith, it’s not a debate.

For more on being childfree see this and this. Also make sure to check out the “Childfree Are We” page for more bloggers and websites on the topic.

Valentine’s Day is just a day, it’s one day out of 365, it’s one day out of a lifetime. I’m not a huge fan of Valentine’s Day, I think a lot of people put too much pressure on it. We shouldn’t need a day to be reminded we are loved and we certainly don’t need a day to remind us we might be lonely. Frankly, other than the candy side of things, it comes up short, especially for adults. Like most holidays, I think there is certain aspects of it that makes it more magical for children/teens. The Valentine’s Day cards, the candy, the parties, and later the dances; it was cute and there was a certain level of excitement in the air. Valentine’s Day in the grown up world makes me feel less than warm and fuzzy.

If you are single, it is only another reminder that you aren’t living in a Meg Ryan film. What is even worse is you have to endure a month of commercials with the “happy couples”. Barf. If you are newly dating, it creates an awkward expectation of planning for a holiday meant for “I love you”. It is added pressure on the getting to know you phase. If you are attached then it’s a one up competition at the office, who got the big flowers or singing delivery. It also makes me cringe with every fiber for someone who tells horror stories of a clearly terrible/inconsiderate partner to gush over a $50 flower purchase. Like this one little (easy) act makes up for being a self-centered jerk the other 362 days of the year (I’ll give Jerky Joe Schmo birthdays and anniversaries too).

The point is it is just one day. Take a step back from it and ask yourself, “Does it matter the other 364 days?”:

Do you really feel bad about being single, or are you having fun? If you truly feel you are missing out then put yourself in situations to meet people…try something new, join a meetup, try online dating, meet friends out more.
If the new fling hasn’t asked you out yet, don’t get upset because he didn’t make plans for this one day. Does he make you feel special the other days, is he thoughtful with other plans and dates…then focus on those…it is just one day.
Are you envious of the girl who got the big bouquet of flowers, do you know her story? Either way, it doesn’t matter. Are you happy in your other 364 days? Are you normally comparing your partner to her partner? Does your partner do things that make you feel special and show you are loved? Do you need a giant bear to know you are loved? I would rather have the other 364 days of kind, thoughtful acts then the largest public display in the office.

So, if you are feeling disappointed today, remember it is just one day. Take a step back and examine the other 364 days you have. If you can’t find something better than a giant stuffed bear…make a change.

For another take on Valentine’s Day, Kristina over at Damn Ten Pounds wrote a piece that had me saying “me too” for pretty much all of it…it is a much funnier V-Day take down 🙂

The Reasons of Why

It’s Just Another Day